Should have

I thought it was over, but apparently not.

My heart breaks a little more whenever I'm reminded of us. Nowadays, I get reminded more of the things you did not do for me, and the things you did not like about me. I ask myself why, a lot. It makes me sad that I put myself and let myself be in that situation. I should have fought for myself a little more, a little harder. While all I ever did was try so hard to understand you, I don't think I was being understood. You might not know this, but I think I was always overlooked. I refused to believe that, and only thought of you and for you. I was never the focus. There are things that happened that I still don't understand up to today, like why you got mad/upset on (more than) several occasions. I was always apologizing for things I could not understand. Now when I think of it, towards the end - when I was desperately clinging on, there were many hints that I should have taken. I should have let go earlier. I should have known.

I think I deserved more. There were times I did not feel good about myself, and I wondered why. I did not know much then, but I think I know now. I did everything I could and everyone knows how much I put into the relationship. But it was a toxic relationship, and I'm glad you pushed for the right choice. There were red flashing lights on multiple occasions - I really should have known.

After more than a year, I think I finally got the closure I needed. I needed for myself to realize that it wasn't my fault that things could not work out and that maybe it was, in fact, yours.


x

Losing Focus

I'm trying my hardest to keep myself motivated. And it's really getting harder each day...

One thing to look forward to: Last Friday, I booked my trip to Los Angeles (& Disneyland!!!) with my friend! We're only going to be there for a few days, but I'm super excited about going away! Can't wait to actually be in LA, and just chill out at a cafe! Hehehe! I'm also planning to ski in Vancouver, so fingers crossed for this one!

For now, let's keep focus Cand! #wishmeluck #iamgonnaneedit

XX

Currently feeding on strong emo vibes

1. Jack of all trades, Master of none.

This phrase really describes me.


2. I love my mommy.

She's the best (and very funny too). I think I've reached the point where, if no one cares, it doesn't matter. I really don't need anyone else but her.


3. It's probably impossible, but I want to get on the Dean's list.

Or at least score all As for my courses these last two semesters. I do wish that I didn't have 4 midterms, and 2 assignments all in 9 days. But I got to suck it up!!! Come on Cand, you can do it! :)


/edit
4. I wish I had more sass. Like Jessi does. LOVE Jessi